I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
