maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
