he wants to bone in the snuggie
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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