Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
