one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
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There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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