So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
