Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
