is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
