The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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