Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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