I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
