if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
