I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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