i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
