my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
