Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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