I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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