Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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