I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
