we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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