but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
