Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
