we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
