Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
