This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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