dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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