my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
