Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
