i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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