Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
