I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
