my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
