OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
