508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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