Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
3pm strippers are depressing
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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