i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
