I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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