what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
