Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
