you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize