I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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