guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
as a side note pls kill me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
