dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
