Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
