I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
