I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
