happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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