I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
