I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's like heaven, but drunker
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
