Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
