You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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