Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Panties = found
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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