i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Too much gin, very little bucket
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
