I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
