Buhtt sex?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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