moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
