the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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