in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
