Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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