ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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