Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
