New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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