Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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